I'm gonna have a badass scar
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
