I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you traded sex for a burrito?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
