I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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