well I can't set my house on fire every night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
