the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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