I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
