I wish my penis had an off switch
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
