It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
