you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
