Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
