:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
