i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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