The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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