I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
