just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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