Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
