Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
