we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
