my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
