Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I could make wine with my vomit
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
