hotel room ftw
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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