She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
