Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
