I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
