I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
