i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
