dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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