i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize