if you like me you must not know who I am
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
