This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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