I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
