Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
