So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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