How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
