How'd it feel making her break her religion?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
