If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
