I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
