People in love make me want to vomit
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
