Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
