it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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