can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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