I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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