It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
