hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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