Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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