For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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