im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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