we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
