How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
