If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
