It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Couch. On fire.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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