It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
