That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
