That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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