She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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