Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
