Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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