just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
