I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize