So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
