HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I enjoy the company of your penis
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