We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
