Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
