Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
that's an acceptable place to lick
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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