I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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