at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Welcome to your 30โs, where every one night stand is most likely with someoneโs father
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
