that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
