I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
