Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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