This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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