dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
