Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
