I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
