what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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