I got chris browned last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
