cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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