Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
