Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
