I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
